Can anyone give me essay feedback?

Your essay isn't persuasive. In order to write a persuasive essay you need to take a specific side of an issue (for example: they should teach education to 7th graders), support your main argument for it with facts (50% of people are ually active by that age), bring up the points against you (parents don't want their kids to know about ), and then resolve those issues (kids are doing it anyways, its better to be safe). You need to rely on logic not emotion.